Is Your Shadow Holding You Back? Let’s Step on an Inside Journey

January 4, 2024 manveen

If you are on a self-growth journey or if you were forced to be on a self-development journey by the current circumstances of your life, congratulations, you are on the right path!

We often have thoughts like, “Why am I sitting at home while others are partying?” Even though it is our choice, sometimes, out of nowhere, our inner voice says, “Stop sitting in the meditation and go to a club.”

While enjoying and partying has no harm, the repressed emotions or feelings we have, have a name— Shadow Self!

I don’t know if you have heard about this theory or approach, but shadow work is a beautiful yet challenging work that helps us grow both emotionally and spiritually.

This shadow work is very beneficial for your self-growth journey and can help you greatly in your relationships, careers, and all the parts of your lives.

If you are tired of doing all kinds of self-development techniques and nothing is helping you, read this blog post and see how you can implement this approach to create a better life for yourself!

Shadow work: Putting a light on your inner darkness

Ever wondered why, even though it goes against your conscious beliefs, you react a certain way and then regret your behavior? For instance, you spoke very rudely to someone whose only intention was to love and care for you. Well, what about the desires that are hidden and kept under lock and key? The parts of ourselves that we consider undesirable or “dark” belong in the shadow. Recognizing this shadow is the first step toward shadow work, a life-changing experience.

Definition of shadow work

According to Carl Jung, the shadow is the opposite of our conscious selves. It stores everything we find unacceptable, including repressed urges and hidden skills, as well as unfiltered feelings like rage or jealousy. It resembles a secret room in our minds that is stuffed full of old memories and aspects of ourselves that we would prefer not to talk about.

The problem is that we think if we ignore our shadow self, like anger or frustration, it will go away automatically. But what happens in reality is that it hides in the shadows of our consciousness, invisible in the interactions and activities we engage in. It may show itself as self-destructive behavior, uncontrollably negative emotional outbursts, or toxic projections onto other people.

Everybody, including your mother, father, boss, friend, or self-development guru, has a shadow self!

How does our shadow self form?

We develop our shadow selves through a complex web of factors throughout our lives. Here are some factors that contribute to the formation of our shadow selves:

Early childhood experiences

Repression and shame: Our caregivers and society teach us what is acceptable and what is not while we are young. We then suppress some of the impulses, feelings, or wants because we believe they are “unsuitable,” which can become the center of our shadow.
Attachment styles: Uncertain attachment styles can give rise to feelings of mistrust, anxiety, or rage that, as we age, may come to represent aspects of our shadow selves.
Unmet needs: When our needs for love, security, and validation aren’t met, we may display shadow qualities such as neediness, wrath, and withdrawal.

Social conditioning

Cultural expectations: What characteristics are acceptable and what are not can be determined by societal norms and expectations. We may repress parts of ourselves that don’t align with these ideals, thereby incorporating them into our shadow.
Gender roles: Conventional gender norms might limit how some feelings or actions can be expressed. This may cause a shadow self to emerge, one that embodies these “unacceptable” traits.
Family dynamics: Our shadows can be unintentionally shaped by our families. A child raised in a critical environment, for instance, may grow up to be insecure or have a shadow self that is critical of themselves.

Traumatic experiences:

Trauma: Neglect or abuse are examples of traumatic events that can cause memories or unpleasant feelings to become dissociated. These distorted parts ourselves may emerge as our shadow self.
Coping strategies: To deal with difficult situations, we come up with coping strategies. Certain coping strategies, such as retreat or anger, might be assimilated into our shadow selves.

Unconscious Bias

Projecting: We often project our unrecognized characteristics of ourselves onto others. The aspects of other people that we find objectionable may represent unresolved aspects of our shadow selves.
Negativity bias: Our brains tend to focus more on unfavorable inputs. Shadow features in ourselves and others may become more prominent as a result of this.

You must remember that the shadow self never dies, and it even emerges when a person becomes an adult as a result of new experiences, beliefs, and life situations.

How do you identify your shadow self and start doing shadow work?

It can feel very difficult when you begin the journey of identifying your shadow self. The shadow self, which is composed of hidden desires, untamed emotions, triggers, and all the negative experiences, is hard to look upon. But instead of suppressing or ignoring it, we have to go within and face those inner demons.

Here’s how you can identify your shadow and work towards it

Identify your triggers: What causes you to become agitated, jealous, or frightened? These strong feelings often indicate parts of your shadow that you’re attempting to hide.
Examine your fantasies and dreams: Dreams are symbolic windows into your shadow’s fears and desires. In the same way, intrusive thoughts and daydreams can offer fascinating hints.
Be aware of your projections: We often project our dark selves onto other people. Have you ever thought about what irritates you the most about others? It may be a mirror of something within you that needs to be acknowledged.
Engage in shadow work exercise: You must take at least 10 minutes from your day and complete shadow work journals. You can access your shadow through a variety of activities. Consider using journaling questions such as “What are my biggest fears?” or creating a personification of your shadow self.

Embarking on shadow work

Embrace self-compassion: Your journey can be different from others, and it may take longer for you to reach your desired goal. This is completely okay. What is not okay is to judge and criticize yourself. Talk to yourself like you are talking to the younger version of you. Always remember that the child inside you is listening to what you are saying to yourself 24/7.
Seek support: Take into account consulting with a therapist skilled in shadow work. They can offer a secure environment and knowledgeable direction for overcoming this frequently difficult path.
Indulge in journal prompts: Journaling prompts can be a powerful tool when someone is starting their inner shadow journey. Prompts like:
What are my strengths and weaknesses?
What makes me feel angry or irritated?
What makes me feel the most shame?
What talents or desires I have suppressed?

These can serve as a great start to your journey. If you can’t take the help of a therapist but want to begin an inner discovery journey, start with journal prompts.

Going within is the key to shadow work

Shadow work urges you to step into the “forest” of your unconscious sensations and ideas rather than the “sunny beach” of your accustomed self. The things you haven’t looked at yet, like anger, jealousy, or even hidden skills, are hidden in this forest, which isn’t terrifying at all! By confronting and accepting those hidden aspects of yourself, exploring this forest can help you become a stronger, more complete person. It feels like unearthing hidden wealth in your backyard!

It’s time for you to quit assigning blame and accept accountability for the events in your life. You have control over how you feel. No one can enter your head and force you to feel anything against your will.